People ask me this question all the time “How does a narcissist react when you stop chasing them?
The thing is, narcissists have an insatiable need for attention and validation. They thrive on praise, admiration, and adoration from others. They might seem charming at first, but their true motives are always about getting what they want. As soon as you stop chasing them, you become a threat to their ego, and they’ll do whatever it takes to regain control.
It’s not that they don’t care about you – they do, in their twisted way – but their need for validation is so strong that it overrides everything else. When you stop feeding their ego, they’ll feel rejected, and they won’t take it well. They might throw a fit, lash out, or try to make you feel guilty for not giving them what they want. It’s not pretty, but it’s the sad reality of dealing with a narcissist.
The thing is, you don’t have to put up with this kind of behaviour. In this blog post, I’ll be explaining some common patterns of behaviour that narcissists exhibit when they feel rejected or ignored. I’ll also be offering some tips on how to protect yourself and move forward, so you can break free from the cycle of abuse and reclaim your power.
What does a narcissist feel when you stop chasing them?
When you stop chasing a narcissist, their reactions can be quite unpredictable and explosive. As I mentioned earlier, narcissists have a strong need for admiration, attention, and validation from others, and they are often unwilling or unable to see things from anyone else’s perspective. When they feel like they are losing control over someone or something, their response can be intense and sometimes destructive.
For example, if you have been constantly trying to please a narcissistic partner, friend, or family member, and suddenly decide to set some boundaries or stop catering to their demands, they will react in a variety of ways.
They will become angry, insult you, try to guilt-trip you, or even engage in emotional or physical abuse. They may also try to turn the tables and blame you for their problems, accusing you of being selfish, ungrateful, or abusive.
One reason why a narcissist may react so negatively to rejection or abandonment is that they have an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement. They may see themselves as superior to others and believe that they deserve special treatment and privileges. When someone refuses to give them what they want, they may feel like their whole world is collapsing, and lash out in response.
Although, not all narcissists are the same, and their reactions may differ depending on their individual traits, history, and circumstances. Some narcissists may try to win you back through love bombing, a technique where they shower you with attention and affection to regain your trust and admiration. Others may simply move on to another target, and discard you as if you never existed.
In any case, there is a need for you to know that you are not responsible for a narcissist’s behaviour or emotions. You have the right to set boundaries, say no, and prioritize your well-being. If you feel unsafe or threatened, seek help from a trusted friend, family member, or professional. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and empathy, and don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
How does a narcissist react when you stop chasing them?
Anger
When a narcissist feels like they are losing control, their reaction is quite explosive, and one of the most common ways they may react is through anger. Narcissists have a strong need for control and validation, and when they feel like they are losing that control, their anger can be triggered.
Their anger may manifest in various ways, from yelling and screaming to slamming doors, throwing objects, or even physical violence. They may also use verbal abuse and insults to try and hurt you emotionally and make you feel guilty or ashamed.
A narcissist’s anger is not a reflection of anything you did wrong, but rather a symptom of their insecurities and need for control. They feel threatened by your independence or rejection and try to regain that control through anger.
One way a narcissist uses anger is to intimidate or scare you into submission. By making you fear their anger, they hope to regain control over the situation and make you comply with their demands. They may also use anger as a way to punish you for not giving them what they want or for challenging their authority.
Remember you are not responsible for a narcissist’s anger or behavior. if a narcissist becomes physically violent or threatens your safety, seek help from a trusted friend, family member, or professional.
Dealing with a narcissist’s anger is very challenging and stressful, but you have to always remain calm and not engage in their tactics. Don’t argue or try to reason with them, as this will only escalate the situation. Instead, calmly talk to them about your boundaries and let them know you won’t tolerate anyone crossing them.
Take care of yourself emotionally during this time. Narcissists are very manipulative and make you doubt your perceptions and feelings. Seek help from trusted friends or a therapist to help you process your emotions and maintain your self-confidence.
Guilt-tripping
Guilt-tripping is a common tactic used by narcissists to get their way. They know how to push your buttons and make you feel responsible for their happiness, even when it’s not your job to do so. When you stop chasing them, they may resort to this tactic as a way to make you feel guilty for not meeting their needs and wants.
Narcissists are experts at playing the victim and making you feel like you are the one who is causing their problems. They may use statements like “If you really loved me, you would do this for me” or “I can’t believe you would be so selfish” to manipulate you into giving them what they want. This can be very effective if you are a caring and empathetic person who is easily swayed by emotional appeals.
When a narcissist guilt-trips you, it is difficult to resist the temptation to give in to their demands. You may feel like you are letting them down or causing them unnecessary pain, like I said before they are masters at playing the victim. So you are not responsible for their emotions or well-being. You have the right to say no and set boundaries, even if it means making a narcissist upset.
You need to know when a narcissist is using guilt-tripping tactics and call them out on it. You can respond by saying something like “I understand that you’re upset, but I can’t do this for you right now” or “I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way, but it’s not my job to fix your problems.” By letting them know what you can and cannot do and refusing to be manipulated, you are taking a powerful step towards regaining control over your own life.
Remember, guilt-tripping is not a healthy or productive way to communicate with others. It’s a sign of emotional immaturity and a lack of respect for your autonomy. If you find yourself in a situation where you are constantly being guilt-tripped by a narcissist, it is time to re-evaluate the relationship and consider whether it’s worth continuing.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is an insidious tactic used by narcissists to manipulate and control their victims. It involves denying or distorting reality to the point where the victim begins to question their own sanity. The term “gaslighting” comes from the 1944 film “Gaslight”, in which a husband tries to drive his wife insane by altering the gaslights in their home and then denying that anything is wrong.
Gaslighting can take many forms, from outright lying and denying the truth to more subtle tactics such as selective memory or changing the subject. For example, a narcissist might deny that they said something hurtful to you, even if you have proof that they did. They may also try to shift the blame onto you, saying that you misunderstood what they meant or that you are being too sensitive.
Over time, gaslighting can erode your sense of self and leave you feeling confused, anxious, and isolated. You may start to question your own memory, judgment, and perception of reality, which can lead to feelings of self-doubt and self-blame. This can make it even harder to leave the relationship, as you may feel like you can’t trust your own instincts and you might be the one at fault.
One of the key signs of gaslighting is that narcissists will often contradict themselves or change their stories to suit their own needs. They may also use emotional manipulation to make you doubt your own reality. For example, they will tell you that you are crazy, overreacting, or being too sensitive, which can make you feel like you are the problem.
If you suspect that you are being gaslit, seek help from a trusted friend, family member, or professional. Gaslighting can be difficult to identify, and it’s easy to dismiss it as normal behaviour or your fault. However, it’s important to remember that you are not to blame and that you deserve to be treated with respect and honesty.
Always set boundaries with the narcissist and hold them accountable for their behaviour. This may involve cutting off contact, seeking legal protection, or confronting them directly about their gaslighting tactics. Don’t forget you have the power to take back control of your life and to heal from the damage that has been done.
Love bombing
Love-bombing is a manipulative tactic commonly used by narcissists to regain control over someone who has stopped chasing them. This involves overwhelming the person with affection, attention, and gifts to create an emotional bond and make them feel special and valued.
The narcissist may suddenly become very attentive and loving, showering you with compliments, flowers, and other gifts. They may also express deep remorse for their past behaviour and promise to change. This sudden change of heart can be very convincing, especially if you still have feelings for them or are hoping to salvage the relationship.
However, you need to be cautious of love-bombing, as it is often just another form of manipulation. Narcissists use this tactic to exploit your emotions and make you more vulnerable to their influence. They may use it to gain your trust and admiration so that you become more invested in the relationship and less likely to leave.
One of the dangers of love-bombing is that it can create a cycle of abuse. The narcissist may shower you with love and attention, only to withdraw it as soon as they feel like they have regained control. This may leave you feeling confused, hurt, and dependent on their approval.
Love-bombing is not a genuine expression of love or affection. It is a tactic used by narcissists to manipulate and control others. If you suspect that someone is using this tactic on you, it’s important to be cautious and let them know about it, it cripples their zeal to continue but in most cases, it doesn’t because narcissists can be pretty determined. Don’t let their flattery and attention blind you to their manipulative behaviour.
Discarding
Discarding is a common tactic used by narcissists when they realize that they can no longer control or manipulate you. This happens when you set boundaries or refuse to comply with their demands. It also happens when they find a new target who they believe will provide them with the admiration and validation they crave.
When a narcissist discards you, they act as if you never existed. They ignore your calls, texts, or emails, and may not respond to your attempts to reach out to them. They may delete all traces of you from their social media accounts, or block you entirely. They may also go out of their way to avoid you in public or act as if they don’t know you.
This sudden and complete cutoff can be very confusing and hurtful, especially if you have invested a lot of time and energy into the relationship. You may wonder what you did wrong, or what you could have done differently to make things work. You may feel rejected and abandoned and struggle with feelings of anger, sadness, or even depression.
The narcissist’s decision to discard you is not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. Narcissists are driven by their selfish desires and will discard anyone who they believe is no longer useful to them. They lack empathy and the ability to form genuine connections with others and are only interested in relationships that serve their own needs.
While being discarded by a narcissist can be painful, it can also be a blessing in disguise. It gives you the opportunity to break free from their toxic influence and begin to heal from the damage they may have caused. It allows you to focus on yourself and your well-being, and to find healthier relationships with people who treat you with respect, kindness, and empathy.
Blaming
When a narcissist feels like they’re losing control over someone or something, they may lash out in a variety of ways. One of the most common ways is by shifting the blame onto their victim. Narcissists have a hard time accepting responsibility for their actions and may become defensive when confronted with the truth. Instead of owning up to their mistakes, they try to make their victim feel like they are the ones at fault.
They use tactics like gaslighting, denial, or projection to deflect blame onto their victim. Gaslighting involves manipulating someone’s perception of reality by denying or distorting the truth. A narcissist may tell you that something didn’t happen when it did or that you’re remembering things incorrectly to make you doubt your own memory and sanity. By doing this, they make it seem like you’re the one who’s mistaken or confused, and not them.
Denial involves refusing to acknowledge or admit to something that they’ve done wrong. They may flat-out deny that they did something hurtful or wrong, even if there’s clear evidence to the contrary. By doing this, they’re able to avoid responsibility and put the blame back on you.
Projection involves taking the negative traits or behaviours that they have and attributing them to you. For example, if a narcissist is cheating on their partner, they will accuse their partner of cheating on them. By doing this, they can divert attention away from their misdeeds and put you on the defensive.
Blaming is a common tactic that narcissists use to maintain control over their victims. They accuse you of being selfish, ungrateful, or abusive, even if you’ve done nothing wrong. They may try to make you feel guilty for not meeting their demands or expectations, using emotional manipulation to make you feel responsible for their problems.
In some cases, a narcissist will even turn to physical violence to assert their dominance and control. This is extreme and dangerous behaviour, and it’s important to seek help if you feel unsafe or threatened in any way.
Silent treatment
The silent treatment is a way commonly used by narcissists to control and manipulate their victims. It involves ignoring or avoiding someone as a way to punish or control them. This can be incredibly frustrating and hurtful for the person on the receiving end, as they may feel confused, anxious, and insecure about the relationship.
When a narcissist gives you the silent treatment, it feels like you are walking on eggshells. You may feel like you are constantly tiptoeing around their needs and expectations, trying to avoid triggering their anger or disapproval. This can be incredibly draining and demoralizing, as you may start to doubt your worth and value in the relationship.
One reason why narcissists use silent treatment is to maintain their sense of power and control over their victims. By withholding attention or communication, they will create a sense of anxiety and uncertainty in the victim, making them more likely to comply with their demands. The victim starts to feel like they need to “earn back” the narcissist’s approval and attention, even if it means sacrificing their own needs and desires.
Another reason why narcissists use silent treatment is to avoid confrontation or responsibility for their actions. By avoiding communication, they can deflect any criticism or feedback from the victim, and continue to behave in ways that are hurtful or abusive. They also use silent treatment as a way to punish the victim for speaking up or putting up boundaries, making them feel guilty or ashamed for standing up for themselves.
Silent treatment is not a healthy or productive way to communicate in a relationship. It leads to feelings of isolation, resentment, and disconnection, and can cause long-term damage to the relationship. If you are experiencing silent treatment from a narcissistic partner, friend, or family member, you need to seek support and guidance from a trusted friend, therapist, or counsellor. You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and empathy, and don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
Revenge
When a narcissist feels like they have been wronged, rejected, or ignored, they don’t take it well. In fact, they will try to get revenge by resorting to harmful tactics such as spreading rumours, engaging in smear campaigns, or sabotaging your relationships or career.
Narcissists have an insatiable need for admiration and validation, and when they feel like they are not getting enough of it, they feel threatened and become vengeful. They may even go as far as trying to damage your reputation by spreading false information about you or exaggerating your flaws and mistakes. They also try to turn people against you by creating negative narratives about you and portraying themselves as the victim.
Another way a narcissist may seek revenge is by sabotaging your relationships or career. They will try to ruin your friendships, romantic relationships, or work relationships by spreading lies, gossip, or manipulating situations to make you look bad. They also try to sabotage your career by spreading false rumors about your competence or work ethic, or even going as far as to steal credit for your work.
A narcissist’s need for revenge may not always be overt. They may use subtle, manipulative tactics to make you feel isolated, ashamed, or guilty. For example, they will give you silent treatment, withhold affection or support, or make you doubt your sanity or judgment. These tactics are designed to make you feel powerless and dependent on them and to reinforce their control over you.
You must recognize the signs of a narcissist’s revenge and take steps to protect yourself from their harmful behaviour. This may include setting boundaries, talking about it to friends and family, or even seeking professional help. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and you don’t have to tolerate abuse or manipulation from anyone, including a narcissist.
Conclusion
Dealing with a narcissist is a challenging and emotionally draining experience. Narcissists tend to seek power and control over others, and they often use manipulative tactics to achieve their goals. Some common tactics include guilt-tripping, gaslighting, love-bombing, blaming, discarding, and giving silent treatment.
These tactics sometimes have a damaging impact on one’s mental health and well-being. It is important to recognize the signs of narcissistic behaviour and take steps to protect oneself from their manipulations. This involves putting up boundaries, talking to trusted friends or professionals, and eventually disengaging yourself from the toxic relationship.
No matter how much you try to stay in the relationship it is not your responsibility to fix or change a narcissist’s behaviour, so prioritizing your well-being it is essential in navigating these challenging situations.
