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How long is too long without sex in a relationship

How long is too long without sex in a relationship?

How people see and perceive relationship differs, this is where individuality plays a role. Most people can do without sexual intercourse with their partner and still be okay while some cannot be in a relationship with someone without engaging in sexual intercourse if you are in a romantic relationship it is more likely sex plays an important role in your relationship because it serves as a glue that bonds couples together however that does not mean a relationship without sex does not exist or is not healthy.

I am the type of woman that loves affectionate gestures and intimate sex a few months ago my relationship was on a rocky slide and truly it was my fault I got all snappy and irritated at my partner that at some point I had to stop taking his call when am a bit irritated so as not to transfer all that aggression on him and I was confused because I have never got so irritated at someone that did me nothing other than work all day.

At one point he planned a dinner date for us to know exactly what is happening in our relationship.  we started out great until I  got all worked up again. He knew why I was all frustrated and worked up even though I had no idea what was wrong.

later the next morning when I was feeling refreshed and renewed he brought up the topic. I have been all cranky and irritated with him because I have been sexually frustrated ..and when I went back to the last time we made love it was about 3 months I guess, the work stress coupled with the sexual frustration might have been the reason I have been so cranky and annoyed towards my partner and we worked it out.

what am I saying my partner and I have the same sex drive, staying apart for so long without getting affectionate with each other affects us negatively that does not mean that without sex we won’t have a healthy relationship.

I have a friend who only has sex with her husband 15 or even way less than that in a year and trust me they have a healthy relationship. because I and my partner engage in sexual intercourse several times a month does not make my relationship better than that of my friend.  According to research in science daily, a couple having sex several times a week are not happier than those who only have sex once a month. where It will definitely be a problem is when we have different sex drives which will adversely us one way or the other.

How important is sex in a relationship

Sexual intercourse between a couple is quite important in a relationship because of its, psychological, physical, emotional, and biological benefits in an individual and relationship. A higher rate of sex in a relationship increases intimacy, reduces the rate of divorce, lowers blood pressure, reduces stress and so many other useful benefits associated with a high frequency of sexual activity in a relationship according to research having frequent sex can play an important role in the overall well being of an individual.

Importance of sex in a relationship

1. Sex increases emotional intimacy and bonding in a monogamous relationship the hormone oxytocin released during sex brings about emotional attachment and intimacy in a relationship this may be responsible for commitment and emotional attachment .hormones are released during sex band they include oxytocin and endorphins which generally decreases irritation and depression.

2. It increases the overall happiness in the relationship which is brought about  by numerous hormones released during sex

3. Improved sleep pattern and quality: prolactin a hormone released during orgasm is responsible for quality sleep and rest so engaging in sexual activity with your partner improve your sleep and rest quality thereby relaxing your muscle which has been stiff from stress.

4. Stress hormones like cortisol and epinephrine are reduced during sex this goes to show that sex is an effective stress management technique

5. Improved physical fitness: sex is a form of energy which when engaged in regularly is equivalent to moderate physical activity like walking this improves heart rate and also improves liver control in women.

6. It has a great cardiac effect: vaginal penetration activity has been known to reduce systolic blood pressure. sexual activity helps dilate blood vessels increasing the delivery of oxygen and nutrient throughout the body while reducing blood pressure

7. Frequent sexual activity is connected to lighter menstruation as well as less painful menstrual cramps etc

Can a relationship survive without sex?

Yes, a relationship can survive without sex as a matter of fact sex is not necessarily important in having a healthy relationship. the initial and still the most important reason for sex is for procreation the other is sexual satisfaction

If you and your partner are not ready for sex then it is cool to be with each, enjoy each other’s company without the whole drama that comes with sex but where it becomes tasking and difficult is when your partner has high libido while you have none .when you have a partner with a high libido who always want to get sexual satisfaction from you, it becomes a problem which when not controlled can tear your relationship apart however you can have a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship devoid of sexual activities with your partner.

There are various reasons why people  don’t want to have sex in a relationship and they include

  • Underlying medical conditions
  • Personal decision to steer clear of sex till after marriage
  • Having a low libido
  • Having the resolve to get to know their partner well enough before having a sexual connection with them, this always has to do with personal decisions, beliefs, etc  and it has to be respected

Despite all these reasons one can have a healthy relationship without sex. lack of sex in a relationship does not mean that your partner does not love you or they don’t care or value you it does mean they have something or a reason they don’t want to get sexual with you, if you can discuss this together and find a simple common ground for you both it will go a long way into the sustenance of your relationship.

Although sex is not the only way to have intimacy with someone you love. there are several other activities that can be likened to intimacy and they include



Holding hands


Affectionate toe tickling


Romantic conversations and gestures

Why do I have a sudden change in my sex drive (low libido)

There are several reasons why someone who had a normal sex drive suddenly develops low libido this may include  but is not limited to

1. Age: Age is one factor that greatly affects our libido the more you age the less likely it is for you to have a high sex drive. age has an effect on sexual frequency according to a research publication on archives of sexual behavior, Americans in their 20s had sex an average of about 80 times while those in their 60s have sex an average of 20 times a year which goes to show that age is a high sex limiting factor

2. Stress is one important fact that decreases  sex drive .it lowers your sex drive

3. Relationship irregularities: Relationship problems like argument, dishonesty, suspicions, and lack of trust play a great role in lowering sex urge in an individual especially when your partner does the bare minimum in your relationship.

4. Hormonal changes can happen to anyone at any time it can be very normal or they can be associated with negative changes that occur in the body. Pregnancy, menopause, stress, or even diet can cause hormonal imbalances in humans

5. Trauma: Traumatic experiences like rape may cause physical, emotional, and psychological changes in an individual leading to lower libido in such persons

What is the most recommended sex frequency for a couple?

There is no recommended sexual frequency in a relationship. people differ so also do relationships my friend only has sex with her husband like 20 times a year or even lesser while I know people that have sex 6 times a week it doesn’t make their relationship healthier than others. although according to research published in 2017 by archives of sexual behavior it was shown that the amount of times an average adult has sex is about 54 times a year


The question how long is too long without sex in a relationship is one that has plagued a lot of curious minds who want to know if a relationship can be healthy without sex. Yes, you can have a healthy, great relationship without sex. but before you decide to be in a sexless relationship be sure your partner is aware and In support of your decision, effective communication is really important and greatly needed when in a sexless relationship.







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