When I was little while others played with toys, cars I always dreamed of being married to a prince charming, I dreamt of how loving and beautiful my relationship will be, and even as a teen I watched more romantic movies that made me gush and dream more about how beautiful the relationship with my future husband will be.
these dreams and thoughts stuck with me like a glove as I grew up the ideology of what am to expect in a relationship and who am supposed to be in a relationship with, never left my mind I vetted my friends and supposed boyfriends in view of the childish expectations I had.
To be frank, I am a lover true and true,I love the idea of love, the idea of being someone’s everything the idea of being the princess in distress with my prince coming to my rescue I had all this glued in my mind until I had my first relationship.
It was beautiful at first then it became, toxic and abusive, all I thought about relationships and love was immediately flung out through the window into the ocean. I grew to understand that relationships suck and for a long while the innocent curiosity in me, the pure childlike love that wanted a beautiful loving relationship was lost. And for a long while, the word relationship was to me a very scary thing to be involved with.
Relationships have their ups and down, the mindset we have to some extent before entering into any relationship determines if it will fail or not.
The word Love and Relationship can be scary sometimes, especially for those who have nothing pleasant going on in their relationship. Although while relationship can be very great for some to others relationship sucks a great deal and they would rather eat a meal full of needles than go through what they went through in the name of love and relationship.
Why do relationships suck?
There are many reasons relationships suck. relationship is not really all filled with joyrides and pleasant moments there are also times we feel like pulling our hair out of frustration and also times we feel out of the world with joy and happiness it all depends on the kind of relationship we have.
Different reasons why relationships suck
We enter into a relationship for the wrong reasons
We all have reasons we enter into a relationship with someone some may be for the right reasons while others may be for the wrong reasons. when we enter into a relationship with people for the wrong reasons then our relationship is bound to suck at a point. which is why it’s advisable for people to seek first within themselves what they seek in others so it will be easier to have a peaceful relationship without projection.
For instance, when you are in a relationship because of money, fame, or physical attribute it’s easier for that relationship to fail at some point.
When you expect too much from your partner
Relationship suck when you expect too much from your partner most people even before they get into a relationship already has a myriad of things and expectations they want from their partner.. when you expect too much from your partner you are bound to get disappointed at some point.
Relationships don’t suck because we want our partner to be able to do certain things for us or we want them to be a certain way rather in our mind relationship sucks when we don’t see things we expected from our partners in the first place.
when they don’t call as often as you want when they are not as outgoing as you want when they are not as extravagant as you want, it becomes a problem for you. you start seeing them in a different light which if not checked will lead to a change of character towards them.
Enter into a relationship not expecting much from them over-expectation breeds disappointment so in order to not be the one to make your relationship suck cut down on your expectation
When you don’t practice effective communication
Relationship sucks because people don’t really practice effective communication. No relationship can survive without effective communication. communication determines how far and how well a relationship can go.
when one or both people in a relationship don’t learn how to practice effective communication it breeds doubt which is brought upon by assumptions, a simple situation can be blown out of proportion if one or both individuals in a relationship miscommunicated with each other.
Having good communication skills is one thing everyone should learn before jumping into a relationship. When you are wronged say it instead of bearing grudges and making long faces at your partner,
talk to them about why you are mad at them if you keep leaving them bewildered about why you are mad at them leaving them second guessing every situation that might lead to you always getting, mad at them, this will eventually lead to a break in that relationship which may be the reason your relationship sucks
When you don’t appreciate your partner
Our relationship suck because we don’t appreciate our partner. a relationship where there is no appreciation of any kind is a relationship filled with rocky slides.
To a large extent, your attitude determines if your relationship will be beautiful or not there are a lot of things we do, a lot of simple yet toxic common things we do that erode the peace in our relationship, and one of them is not appreciating our partners enough.
When was the last time you appreciated your partner for being great, nice, for buying you gifts, doing some things for you ? or do you sweep it under the carpet of “we are in a relationship so it’s what they are supposed to do”
Appreciate them for who they are, what they do for you, and how well they carry you and the relationship, and watch them strive more to make you happy. So if your relationship sucks find out if you are being appreciative enough
You nag and complain too much
Your relationship sucks when you start nagging and complaining too much. no matter how much someone loves you when you start complaining or nagging a lot though the love might still be there the urge to be around you will be greatly reduced who wants to be around someone that complains about literally everything
It might be difficult for you to come to terms that your relationship sucks because you made it that way with your naggings, when your partner starts avoiding you just to avoid your nags it leads to over analyzation and assumption which makes you believe they are cheating or doing something bad against you this leads to further complains, nags, grudges, and shenanigans that eventually corrode the peace and love you both share at the initial stage of your relationship.
You can talk to your partner about something without sounding like a nag. reduce the amount of time you nag and complain
You don’t respect each other
Relationship sucks when people who are supposed to be in love have zero respect for each other.
Despite the fact you are in a relationship with someone it doesn’t excuse you from disrespecting them. over comfortability in a relationship breeds disrespect.
Everyone deserves respect everyone including your partner when you are not respecting them enough be sure the relationship won’t be great as you expected because no matter how anyone will love you when you keep disrespecting them they will eventually grow tired of it and will start treating you less than you should be treated.
When you are too proud to apologize when you err
The word sorry to some people is a very difficult thing to say but no matter how difficult it is for you to say if you normalize saying it to your partner when you err then it’s likely your relationship will be great.
No one wants to be with someone who is too proud to admit they made a mistake, no one wants to be with someone who constantly feels they don’t have to say sorry because it’s not worth it. If you can’t apologize to your partner when you err then at some point your relationship will start spiraling downward until it’s totally out of your control.
When you don’t heal before jumping into the next relationship
Relationships suck when we carry extra baggage to our new relationship. never enter into a new relationship without making sure the scars of the old relationship are fully healed.
For you to have a good relationship it takes time and effort to build but if you contaminate a new relationship with the trauma of the old one it will definitely lead to a shaky relationship.
When you don’t compromise
When you fail to understand that a healthy relationship is born from comprises and adjustments, you will not always get your way. you both have different upbringings so it far fetched to want them to behave in a certain way. when you don’t create room for adjustment then you unintentionally create room for assumptions and grudges
Importance of love mapping and how to create one
Like I said before we all want a relationship filled with roses and kisses but we have to be willing to work for it. If you are entering into a relationship with a wrong mindset then you should unlearn it.
Relationships don’t have standard rules and regulations don’t expect people to be a certain way or behave in a certain way the more we change the way we see relationships the more we improve our relationships.
You should know that despite everything relationship is filled with ups and downs this is what makes it healthy so let people be who they are stop trying to mold them into someone they are not to fit into your imaginative description of what or who they should be.
While growing up I had a vivid imagination of what relationships should be which is built from movies I watched and other things I conjured in my mind. I carried this mindset into my relationship and it ruined it.
A relationship is not a script that people have to strictly follow all your rules and regulations to make you happy rather it’s more about compromise and adjustment so when our dreams of what a relationship should be is crushed we feel all relationships suck when in fact we are the ones that need to change our mindset towards relationship
Reasons why relationships fail