Marriage is one of the most important aspects of our lives that we rarely ever prepare for .surviving marriage is one thing we should always put into consideration before getting married.
When we are in love we dream of walking down the aisle with the love of our lives, driving to anywhere spectacular for our honeymoon then living happily ever after with no conflicts, no quarrel just happy moments with our happy family till death do us part like in the vows we made.
Then as time goes on you discover marriage is not what you imagined it to be heck it is very far from what you thought it would be
Probably in your mind, it is filled with holding hands, growing flowers, and building castles in the air but it’s far from it.
Marriage in most cases is an eye-opener, that which you believe you might love in your partner becomes something you detest the most, as a matter of fact, if care is not taken it becomes constricting and chocking to you, making you desire and nurse a way out in your mind.
When you are in that stage where you believe you shouldn’t have gotten married because of what you are experiencing in marriage you should sit back and reflect, this is no longer about you, it’s a union of two people who have a responsibility towards each other of which commitment is of utmost importance.
To survive the mundane nature of marriage there are things you should consider doing and things you shouldn’t.
Find a common ground.
A lot of people fall in love and almost immediately they get married, while this may sound great at first it doesn’t always turn out well.
There is a lot to discover about your partner that will influence your decision to get married to them or not if time is put into consideration and one of them is commonality. Find something you both love doing something you both are passionate about.
This is a common ground that even when your marriage turns mundane this common ground between you will always bring you guys together.
Practice effective communication
Communication they say is the key to a successful relationship. Most people are so introverted they find it hard to effectively communicate their feelings to anyone including their partners.
While this might be something you feel is part of your inbuilt behaviour it’s indeed something you should try as much as you can to change while in a relationship.
Whatever you are feeling at the moment tell your partner about it starting from your bad experiences at work to what is going on in your body and the change that is happening in you that you do not want even when you having migraines.
If there is something they are doing that you do not want or like then you have to effectively communicate it to them. No one is a mind reader and you know that. I believe you don’t expect them to know what’s going on with you without opening up to them.
A marriage where one or both partners hardly communicate how they feel or what is going on with them will be a difficult marriage, fact is surviving such a marriage is a herculean task because definitely suppressed feelings will one day erupt out of you both, especially in the most horrific ways.
Don’t get your partners figuring out what you want or do not want let them know everything happening with you and around you and also get them to tell you theirs for therein lies the key to surviving marriage.
Get some time away from each other and everything
As much as you always want to be in each other’s space while dating when you get married having some alone time will definitely go a long way into helping you survive marriage not that you don’t have enough feelings for your partner to always want to be with them
but marriage can be pretty overwhelming and constricting and when you don’t give yourself an alone time to reflect and get your thoughts together it will leave its toll on you making you desire a way out just to get a breather.
Never forget to have some alone time away from your partner, away from your kids just you and your thoughts and while doing it don’t forget to pamper yourself in the process. drink wine, go to the spa, and enjoy some things you loved doing in the past before you got too busy with marriage and all it came with.
To be honest, marriage can be too mundane sometimes and the best way to overcome that feeling of constriction is to have some alone time.
Be friends again
Show me a couple who isn’t friends with each other and I will show you a marriage that is bound to fail. Let your partner be your number one friend.
Before dating they used to be your friend even before you had the idea of dating which eventually led you both to the altar why stop being friends simply because you are married?
Let your partner be your friend you know how you treated them before the whole dating saga, how special they were to you, and how excited you always feel each time you get to do anything together, say see movies together, go on road trips together,
How you always call them to know how they are doing and also to tell them how your day has been, how you randomly send them messages and gifts to make them smile, bring that whole vibe back in your marriage.
If you have been living together for a while forgetting you were friends before you got married can be very easily forgotten, so try as much as you can to make them your friend again.
Let them know you wanna be friends again and treat them as a friend, then a lover and partner all over again this will help you survive marriage even during trying times because oh boy there will definitely be trying times.
Make out time to take each other out to see new places and do new things
Don’t get stuck in the same routine, same ole ways of doing things this can be very tiring and uncolourful, for better for worse is a long ass time to be unhappy in marriage or to be stuck in a boring marriage.
Take your partner out sometime, go for walks, see movies, go on vacation, see new places there are tons of endless things to discover and do together .mariage can be boring sometimes don’t let that define your marriage.
Respect each other’s boundary
People always go wrong with the phrase what you have is mine, everything about you also belongs to me that is wrong, everyone has something they don’t joke with something they don’t like people tampering with including their partner and kids
When they tell you they don’t like you interfering in a particular aspect of their lives then don’t interfere don’t try to be controlling, to be part of that which they don’t want you to be in that aspect of their lives, of course, they will tell you about it be kind enough to respect their boundary.
Adhere to the ‘no secret’ rule in marriage
Never keep secrets from your partner ever! Nothing is hidden under the sun eventually they will find out about it and it might break or even make you both miserable in marriage.
Whatever you wanna do let them know about it. Don’t send secret messages to people or try to keep something secret from them this may include going out for lunch with a colleague, attending parties with a friend doing practically anything at all, don’t do it in secret they should know about it unless you want it to be a surprise.
Don’t keep secrets probably there is an unspoken rule about letting each other know your present location at a particular time don’t flaunt that.
Let them know what is going on with you, the changes you are experiencing in your body, and probably what your test results are all about.
Respect each other
The union of two people who do not respect each other is very likely bound to fail. when you don’t respect each other’s feelings, you say things the way you want not minding if you hurt your partner or not.
You make decisions without including them, you generally care less about how they feel about a particular thing you are doing how do you want that marriage to be smooth and beautiful?
Respect is earned you have to give respect to get it back don’t make each other miserable by doing things that let the other person know you care less about how they feel that is a glaring red flag in marriage.
Respecting your partner encompasses respectfully talking to them to getting them involved in decision-making.
When you love someone it will be hard to talk to them the way you like no matter how foul-mouthed you are unless of course you were trained with no mouth filter but even as that respectfully talking to your partner is something you have to try as much as you can to learn for that will help you in surviving marriage.
Find ways to improve each other
Don’t get isolated in marriage find a way to make each other better.
Attend marriage courses together, attend group functions relating to marriage, and even go as far as seeking professional help when you notice something is going awry between you two don’t wait until it blows out of proportion before you seek help.
Read self-improvement books together, and get involved in discussions that will improve your mental and marital capability.
Learn to forgive each other
Forgiveness they say is the bedrock of every successful relationship. It is not possible to be in a relationship where everything is perfect because of course no one is perfect including you.
They are bound to make mistakes one way or the other they can do silly things sometimes that will piss you off so much you will want to slap them into oblivion or make you scream so hard into your pillow or punch something.
They will unintentionally say things that will hurt your feelings without even knowing they did that. They can forget birthdays, ruin dates, forget to call, forget to take out trash forget to do one thing or the other they were supposed to do.
In all these forgiving them for their shortcomings is one of the keys to having a beautiful successful marriage and also one of the ways to survive marriage.
It will do you no good bearing grudges or pilling up wrongs done in your heart this will eventually change the way you behave towards them, probably change the way you see the marriage between you two even change the way you see them which is not supposed to be.
When they hurt you tell them about it and forgive when they ask even when they don’t. forgiveness frees your mind from negativity it opens your mind to positivity which no matter how awkward or bad the situation is as long as you have a forgiving spirit you will get through the awkwardness or bad situation.
Just know before you get married one of the many keys you will use often is the key of forgiveness that in itself will help you in surviving marriage
Be a great listener
Being a great listener is a very good trait that will really help in keeping your relationship beautiful and colourful.
Your partner might have a bad day and might likely need someone to talk to that will just sit, nod, listen and contribute when you don’t do that for them they will eventually seek someone else to do it for them.
Every human being feels this love, care, and affection for the one that always listens to what they have to say it makes them feel special and wanted it makes them feel loved.
Imagine being in a relationship where your partner dozes off whenever you want to talk about things that bother you or even talk about work, not only does it end up making you feel unloved it ends up breaking that marriage.
Learning how to listen to your partner whenever they have something on their mind they like to share with you is a rare but beautiful skill everyone should learn in other to make their partners feel….wanted.
Put the feelings of your spouse into consideration when making decisions
It is totally wrong to make decisions pertaining to your marriage without letting your spouse know about it. Decisions like getting a botox, going through the knife, cutting down expenses, or changing a particular aspect of your life.
Marriage is the union of two people who have become one, they make decisions together so that one’s decision won’t end up affecting the other everything in your life at that point is shared including your bed so why make decisions alone that will probably end up affecting them.
Putting them into consideration while making certain decisions in regards to the family is not just enough, let them know about it, know how they feel about it, and get their opinion before implementing every decision.
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Never compare your marriage with those around you
Comparing your marriage with that of your friends or worse still social media couples is a recipe for failure and it’s bound to make you and your partner unhappy in that marriage everyone has their secret recipe for a successful marriage take what you can from what you see them do and discard those that are not necessary.
Everyone is not the same every marriage can never be the same either.
what works for you might likely not work for your friend or vice versa so quit comparing your marriage to that of every marriage you see out there.
Read Also marriage secrets from couples married 25 years or more
They might appear all mushy dovey on screen or in public you don’t know what happens behind closed doors which is why it’s wrong to try to imitate anyone.
All you see is the good side what about their bad side if their bad side is dumped on you do you think you can survive that?
Carve your path let no one marriage be an ideal model for shaping yours let it flow naturally and be shaped naturally how it was meant to be.
Don’t over-pressure your partner
Pressure makes people snap! Don’t pressure people least of all your partner. If you want something to be done let them know about it and allow them to do it at their own pace and time.
If you want a dishwasher and he already has something else planned out for the month’s paycheck why not understand instead of nagging him until he buys you things you want and probably don’t need.
Most people are so fashion conscious they have trails of clothing all over around them yet they are still buying and pressuring their spouse into buying more and when they protest boom the nagging not only becomes consistent but it turns into grudges that eventually lead to bad-mouthing their partners which is not fair!
When they tell you they are not ready for something yet, give them time before bringing it up again unless it’s something they should do but they keep procrastinating even at that don’t let it blow up into nagging.
Marriage like we all know is filled with ups and downs arming yourself with survival skills will go a long way to ensuring a beautiful and successful marriage. Just know it can be overwhelming sometimes which is why you have to try your best to make it work by doing your absolute best.
